Saturday, January 07, 2006

The One about the Nipple Guy



I once had the only non-vaginal/anal/clitoral based orgasm of my life by a guy who had a crazy nipple fetish. This guy brought me to orgasm by twisting, biting, licking, sucking, pulling, pushing, grinding, squeezing, contorting (hope I covered them all) my nipples and even when I resisted and said STOP in my most unconvincing manner possible, he continued to do what he so obviously loved to do and then next thing you know... BOOP- I came. It stopped me dead in my tracks, I couldn't believe it. I didn't know whether to run out of the room in completely embarrassed or ashamed, or bow down and worship him as the Nipple God that he was.

I stayed of course, because he didn't seem to be the least bit surprised that a woman could cum soley from Nipple stimulation. It's was nuts and I had to put some frozen pees on them the next morning, but I would do it all again if I could. I think his name was Steve? or maybe Chad? hmmm... I only remember him as the Nipple Guy.

*Kisses* -=Julia=-

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Faker, Faker! Lame Lover Maker!


As the nurturing gender, our primarily responsibilities include MOLDING and TEACHING!! NEVER reward negative behavior with misleading and damaging “positive” reinforcement. Faking an orgasm is a true disservice for men and especially for the women!

You shouldn’t give your child candy after getting caught lying. You wouldn’t give your dog the bone when he does NOT sit down or be quite. SO WHY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOULD ANY WOMAN REWARD A MAN’S EGO AND UNSATISFYING SEXUAL BEHAVIOR, WITH THE MOANS AND LEG SHAKING GROANS THAT ARE ONLY DESERVED WHEN PROPERLY SERVED????

That’s just fucking up the rotation and makes MY night with your lame-o lover, even MORE work for me to correct all the false sexual confidence you fakers gave him. Why not take the time to train them instead before you put them back out on the streets? This way everybody is a winner.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Vegas Baby! The joy of hiring escorts.


The joy of hiring escorts.

I recently read a blog from a man who said his New Year’s resolution is to get laid on his birthday and if he cannot get laid in the conventional sense, that he was going to go to Nevada where it he can pay someone to fuck him for his birthday legally.

I responded with this:

Why go to Nevada when Nevada will come to you. I recently discovered the joy of hiring escorts.

1. They are available 24 hours a day for when the urge strikes
2. You don't have to the comforts of your own bed, and think of the money you would save not having to go to Vegas
3. There are clearly defined boundaries from the start so there is no chance of hurt feelings or drama if you never call her again
4. No need to worry about the awkward morning-after scenario
5. It's a sure thing

Just remember when you call them, and there are PLENTY I bet in your local paper, you aren't calling to buy sex, you are spending money to buy some companionship (one hour of their time), what they decide to do during that time is her free will (legally speaking), but if she likes making money, she will want you to enjoy your time because repeat customers are the best customers

Monday, January 02, 2006

100 things you never wanted to know about me


1. My nationality is Serbian.
2. I have 5 piercings: Tongue, Belly button, and 3 sets in ears
3. I love to shot guns and am an incredible marksman.
4. The first time I got drunk, I was two years old, my grandfather from Yugoslavia gave me beer in my bottle at my baptism party. The second time I was 11 when my sister’s mixed Black Velvet with my Koolaid.
5. My favorite restaurants are Chili’s for salsa, Mexican for quesadillas, Friday’s for Apple martinis
6. I have an obsessive compulsive trait when it comes to balance. Everything in life is a balance. I decorate my home in whatever way makes it feel balanced and centered properly – a natural Feng Shui
7. I wanted to be a lawyer since I was 5 years old.
8. When dining at a Japanese restaurant in L.A., I met Fabio, who was much shorter than I could have ever imagined.
9. I have had insomnia since I was a child.
10. My birthday is October 10th, making me a Libra.
11. Last 3 songs I downloaded were: Foo Fighters- All my life, Boondocks- Little Big Town, and James Blunt -You re beautiful.
12. I won several scholarships in college by writing essays while I was stoned.
13. I have two tattoos, the Sublime Sun and a Kiss on my ass cheek.
14. I have 2 Jack Russell Terriers named Sanford Brown and Kitty. Kitty just had a litter of 4 pups. I am thinking of keeping the boy, Louie Blue, Lou Dog for short.
15. I let one of my professors in college come to my house to bath me on several separate occasions.
16. My favorite places to Vacation: Cancun; Los Angelos; Dewey Beach, DE; Cocoa Beach, FL; Chicago
17. I lived in a hotel in Cocoa Beach, FL for several months and saw the only night launching of the Space Shuttle at Cape Canaveral. It lit up the entire sky.
18. I have $0/month entitled to me from Social Security when I retire.
19. I am an Independent who votes mostly Democratic.
20. I studied law, psychology, geography, history and political science at advanced levels in college.
21. When I am depressed I: Sleep, shop, drink or all three.
22. My favorite Male body parts are: that rarely seen little depression between the belly and the hip; the jaw, small of their backs
23. I have two, older sisters and a younger brother.
24. In high school I was on the Debate Team, was Historian of S.A.D.D., was a photographer for the yearbook staff, wrote for the school newspaper and was on the National Honor Society.
25. In high school, I was the only Girl at Girls’ state who ever got laid or smoked pot. I was a smart slut.
26. I lost my virginity shortly after my 16th Birthday to the Captain of the Debate Team. I lied about being a virgin to him out of shame because I was only looking for a one night stand so I could lose my virginity.
27. My first real job was as a bill collector for G.E. Capital.
28. I was Baptized Eastern Orthodox, raised Christian, converted to Catholicism before I started reading the teachings of Buddha and quit going to church completely.
29. I blackout every time I drink Tequila.
30. I smoked pot everyday I was in college and got straight A’s (4.0 GPA).
31. My favorite colors are green and pink.
32. My mother died when I was 26.
33. My mother hated me from the moment I was born.
34. My father was my best friend growing up.
35. I saw my first porno mag when I was 8 in my father’s garage.
36. I started my period and had to wear a bra when I was 9 years old.
37. I couldn’t read until I was in 3rd grade when I was finally diagnosed with
ADHD and medicated with Methphenydate (Ritalin).
38. I was diagnosed with Adult ADHD at age 27 and medicated with mixed salts of amphetamines, or ADDERRALL
39. I spent over a month in Cancun, Mexico after my mother’s death.
40. I blew $50,000 in 2 years, traveling, partying and gifting the people I love.
41. My favorite Holiday is Cinco de Mayo and St. Patty’s (reason to drink).
42. I have never had a 401k plan.
43. I have over 5 ½ years of college classes on record with still no declared degree.
44. My favorite drinks are Miller Lite, Cosmopolitans, Water, Diet Pepsi, Diet RockStar
45. I had my first kiss in 7th grade by a boy named John King in the bushes in front of my house.
46. I ran away once in high school, but only got as far as those same bushes where I gave Todd Carter oral sex while watching my friends and family ‘search’ for me.
47. I had my first audition for a play at the age of 29 when I read for the Vagina Monologues.
48. My best friends and I had a contest one summer to see who could get laid by more people before the start of the new school year. I lost with a total of 10 to my friend Lamese who had 13.
49. I gave my landlord oral sex for years instead of paying rent.
50. I paid my DUI attorney $500 that I made the night before by allowing a group of four car salesmen watch a lesbian girl give me oral sex for 20 minutes in a hotel room in Youngstown. Absolutely no sex with them was ever involved. Champagne and Blindfolds were.
51. My all-time favorite movies are: One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Friday, Pretty Woman, 40 Year-old Virgin, Office Space, 9 ½ weeks.
52. As a child, my parents never allowed me to join any type of dance, music or art classes. I never played sports, although my father was a race car driver.
53. I saved my brother from drowning in Daytona Beach by swimming him counter-shore for almost a mile when I was 10 and he was 8 years old.
54. I was four years old when my grandpa had a major heart attack while we were walking through the park. I somehow found my way to help and saved his life.
55. I was deathly allergic to milk, chocolate and pussy willow trees as a child.
56. I have eaten cheese everyday for the last 3 years.
57. I gave CPR to a momma cat once who was dying after the garage door closed on her. She pissed herself and completely stopped breathing, I blew in her mouth and put a kitten on her tit to milk, soon she miraculously came to and started licking her kitten like nothing ever happened.
58. My favorite food is Cheese, Crab Legs
59. I bruise extremely easy, always have.
60. I saw a UFO when I was 13 with my brother. We were so scared we didn’t sleep for days.
61. I was invited to join the Mensa Think Tank Team when I was in 4th grade.
62. I studied French for 3 years and Spanish for 4 years. I can say FUCK YOU in 5 languages.
63. I white-water rafted with my family in the Smokey Mountains one hour before my brother’s wedding.
64. I attended a hippy fest when I was 23, where I smoked a joint laced with red-rock opium and cocaine and I swore my one leg was growing longer than the other.
65. I raised several thousand dollars in two days to give a sweet old, homeless man a proper burial at a local funeral home.
66. I was a bartender for 5 years when I made the most insane money of my life.
67. I caught my father’s house on fire twice, both times, trying to cook dinner.
68. My favorite flowers are the Pink Asian Lily and Coleus
69. I played Spin the Bottle with 13 people that ended in a naked love fest.
70. I dated a professional baseball player when I lived in Nashville,TN.
71. My favorite month is June.
72. I have been to Toronto, Canada, Tijuana and Cancun Mexico but no other foreign countries. I have been to 26 of the 50 United States.
73. I have had sex in 13 different States of the U.S.
74. I had pictures of my boobs taken in the Library of Congress.
75. I was obsessed with the PTL club when I was 5 years old, writing I LOVE GOD everywhere!
76. I still have my very first stuffed toy, a little clown with a red-striped suit.
77. My family was too busy to attend my high school graduation, so I skipped it and spent the day with one of my best friend’s who needed to go to summer school to graduate. I bought Penis-Beer Can holder, a case of Busch Light and we got tattoos while I should have been graduating with Honors at a local church.
78. I obtained a fake ID when I was a senior in high school that made me 21. I missed 38 days of school that year because of hangovers. I still maintained a 3.8 GPA and was nominated to Buckeye Girl’s State by my unsuspecting teachers.
79. I won the top speaker award at a debate tournament even though we never won a single round because my partner had a horrible Speech impediment caused by a hole in the roof of her mouth.
80. My favorite places to shop are: World Market, Lowe’s and Goodwill.
81. I once waited on Brooks and Dunn and George Jones while waiting tables in Nashville. I also partied with Hank Williams, Jr’s son, Shelton.
82. My first crush was on Danny White, then the Quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys.
83. I have never been to New York City or Las Vegas in fear I would never come back.
84. The first time I had sex with a girl was when I was 25, she wined and dined me for months before I ever had enough guts to just try it. I liked it.
85. I have a list of every person I ever had sex with, both males and females, the number is around 94.
86. I smuggled steroids from Mexico for my boyfriend at the time, in the brake light compartment of my rented Volvo. Mexican pharmacies RULE!
87. My gynecologist prescribes me Xanax.
88. I have never been able to be faithful in a relationship.
89. I have had sex in over a dozen bar bathrooms.
90. My favorite TV shows are: Curb Your Enthusiasm, Arrested Development, Grey’s Anatomy, The Discovery Channel shows
91. My Serbian family drinks Slivovitz, a plum brandy that is like liquid cocaine.
92. I once dated a man who was diagnosed and treated for testicular cancer. He lost a testicle and had a 25% chance to live. I stood by his side throughout his sickness and was with him the first time he tested his medical condition.
93. I have an extreme fear of attachments.
94. I have an even more extreme fear of commitments.
95. I never took someone’s virginity.
96. I spent two weeks in a stress management ward with the mentally unstable. I loved it there.
97. I could and have had fun in every possible scenario. I make the best out of whatever life throws my way and learn from all my mistakes and mishaps.
98. I once gave a man oral sex for a down payment on a car.
99. My favorite weekend jaunt is to Amish Country for Wine, Cheese and shopping.
100. I don’t ever wanna grow up, out or old.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

10 things I learned along the way

Guilt is the burden carried by those who do not effectively self-justify.

Freedom is only achieved when there is nothing left to lose or fear.

Confidence is the reward for using a convincing attitude to bluff self-doubts.

Imagination is the motivation of possibilities.

Self- acceptance is relief from the burden of regrets.

Happiness is not a right, it’s a privilege. Suffering is neither a right nor a privilege, but it is a guaranteed as a price we pay for living.

I have come to realize that I am happy just being content and that too high of an expectation of happiness is stressful and the reason no happiness is achieved at all. Content is my new happy.

The more you have, the more you have to worry about losing. Man should not become a slave to his possessions.

Many of my best adventures were the result of acting on an impulse or a whim.

Over- analyzing killed more cats than curiosity ever did.




*Kisses* -=Julia=-